I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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