Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
