I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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