Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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