Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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