I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
