The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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