I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
