youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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