Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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