Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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