I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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