The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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