i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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