I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
