just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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