Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
