Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
