Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
