I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
