Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
