i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
