Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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