I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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