Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
