just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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