see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
