I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
