How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
