similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
