WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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