At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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