I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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