if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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