1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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