you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My dick has a subreddit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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