You're my little dorito
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
