Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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