I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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