Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
