im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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