why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
