oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
