I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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