I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
