Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
