Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
