would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
