Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
