that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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