i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
