sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
