Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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