I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
