Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
