cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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