Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize