Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
