wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
