so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize