I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
