we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
