marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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