just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
third nipple confirmed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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