All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
