I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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