I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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